What to do After the Loss of a Loved One
The unthinkable happens…a loved one dies. Here is a helpful guide adapted by Bet from the winter issue of Thrivent magazine and written by Nancy Fitzgerald.
Right away:
- Call one family member or trusted friend and ask others to place the rest of the calls for you. People really want to help. Let them help with some of the practical things that need to be done.
- Call your pastor who can offer compassion, care, and help planning the memorial service for your loved one.
- Call a funeral home. Working within your budget, the funeral director can help you make necessary plans.
- Take care of yourself. Eat healthy food and drink. Accept the care of family and friends. Give yourself permission to take as long as you need to adjust to your loss.
In the weeks ahead:
- The estate will need to be settled. Set up a filing system with a folder for each financial institution or task. This can be in a filing cabinet or an easily transportable storage box.
- Order multiple copies of the death certificate. You’ll need to send them to insurance companies, banks and others. You can order these from the funeral home.
- Locate the will, trust, and/or any related legal documents and discuss the estate with an experienced attorney. If there was no plan in place, speak to your attorney about the next steps.
- Cancel credit cards and stop automatic payments when applicable.
- Notify Social Security. Surviving spouses may be entitled to a one-time payment toward funeral expenses. Do not cash any Social Security checks made out to your loved one after he or she has died.
- Notify the employer, or, if retired, the retirement plan administrator.
- If your loved one was a veteran, notify Veterans Affairs.
- Have all valuables, such as jewelry, paintings, tools, and
equipment professionally appraised for tax purposes.
Very important:
- Try to wait at least one year before making any major
financial decisions, such as selling your house. - Give yourself time to process your emotions.
- Avoid making decisions in haste without good counsel.
Put your own affairs in order. Ask yourself these questions:
- What would you want done in regard to medical treatment
in the event of a life-threatening illness? Have a “Living Will”. - What kind of funeral or memorial service would you like?
- Are you willing to donate your body or organs? Have you made arrangements to do so? Contact your state government to receive donor cards to keep in your wallet.
- Do you need to change the beneficiary(ies) on your life insurance contract, IRA, annuities and similar assets? For example, did you update these documents after a marriage or divorce, or after the birth of a child?
- Are your real estate holdings, stocks, bonds and other financial instruments titled so that they can pass easily to those you wish?
- Do you have an up-to-date will? If so, does your family know where it and other important papers, like bank account records, are kept?
Protect Your Pet From Disaster
Disasters can strike without warning. If you have a pet, here's some tips reprinted from Parade Magazine, July 9, 2006.
"You Can Protect Your Pet From Disaster" - By Brian Kilcommons and Sarah Wilson
When Hurricane Katrina slammed the Gulf Coast last summer, many evacuating residents were forced to leave their pets behind. Animal-lovers won't soon forget the images of thousands of lost pets, alone and afraid, wandering the abandoned streets. Any of us could be forced to flee in an emergency. With 163 million dogs and cats depending on us for their care, we need to plan for our pets as we plan for ourselves.
Here's how:
ID Your Pet:
- Lost pets are much more likely to be reunited with their families if they are easily identifiable.
- All animals should have ID tags that include a cell-phone number, since your home phone likely will be useless in a disaster.
- Microchips can provide fail-safe proof of ownership. Injected under your pet's skin, these rice-sized chips contain an ID number and other information. The implant remains forever, readable with a hand-held scanner. A clinic may offer microchips at low cost. Check with the nearest shelter or your veterinarian.
- Take several pictures of your pet. Be sure to get front and side views, and groomed and ungroomed photos for long-haired dogs.
Pack an emergency Pet Box:
- You should have a special travel box ready for your dog or cat. In addition to basic first-aid supplies, here are some essentials:
- Food and clean water to last several days. For water, a SteriPEN (sold at camping stores and on the Web) uses ultraviolet light to kill bacteria, viruses and protozoa.
- A small box with some lightweight litter for your cat. (Make sure it's a brand he or she knows well.)
- Copies of your pet's records. Proof of vaccinations (especially rabies), a list of medications, photos and other ID information should be stored in a sealed plastic bag.
- A list of emergency numbers of veterinary clinics, shelters, nearby friends and hotels that accept pets.
- Any other "can't live without" item. A familiar toy can make a big difference during a bad time.
Be Prepared to Evacuate Quickly:
- During a crisis, there's no time to hash out transport plans. Leashes and collars for dogs and harnesses for cats (all with tags!) should hang with car keys by the door. In an emergency, you may need to confine your animal in a carrier. If he resists, you might be forced to leave him behind. Training your pet now to accept a crate or carrier could save his life.
- If you must leave your animals behind, bring them inside and leave them loose in the safest part of your home with as much food and water as possible. Self-feeders and automated water bowls can supply food or water over many days. (Pick a food your pet isn't wild about, so he or she won't binge on it all at once.) Set the food and water in a corner, away from doors and windows. Also affix a sticker to a window or door indicating the number of animals inside your home and your contact information.
- Congress recently introduced the Pets Evacuation and Transportation Standards Act, which would require state and local authorities to make plans for people and their animals to safely flee in a disaster. Check your town's evacuation policies and lobby to have them changed if they do not accommodate pets.
- Brian Kilcommons and Sarah Wilson are animal trainers and the authors of several best-selling books on pet care, including "Good Owners, Great Dogs."
Helping Your Child Excel In School
Reprinted from the September, 2006, newsletter of the Penn Foundation,
Behavioral Health Services in Sellersville, Pennsylvania
Summer is over and school has begun. Helping to make the back-to-school
transition smoother and to enable your child to excel in school begins in the
home with building self-esteem and responsibility. There are many things
you can do to help your child build self-esteem and become more
self-confident. Here are a few strategies:
- Give your child daily or weekly chores-this will help him/her to
develop a sense of responsibility and success in doing something well. - Let your child teach you or others; kids love to teach and help.
- Encourage your child to become an expert in something that interests him/her; provide opportunities to accomplish this. Let his/her teachers know about his special knowledge.
- Play with your child…children learn best (and the most) by playing! Remember to have fun with your child.
Remember that excelling in school is not all about the academics. School is a place to learn, make friends, and participate in arts and sports as well as a place to help children grow. When you take the time to help your child, it can (and does) influence school success. Some tips to encourage success in school are:
- Encourage him/her to participate in clubs, sports, art and/or music-whatever fits with your child's interest. Collaborate with coaches and group leaders about your child's learning/emotional difficulties.
- Set a study time and stick to it. Involve your child making the schedule. Turn off the TV and radio so there are no distractions.
- Be available to help if your child has questions about his/her homework. If you do not know the answer, it can become a project in which you work together to solve it.
- Talk with your child daily and really listen to what he/she says. Ask about new ideas he/she has learned or other projects he/she is working on.
- Get to know your child's teachers, counselors, and principal. Let them know you are interested in your child's progress in school.
Success in school is not always measured by the grades your child receives. Success is better measured by how well you have helped and supported your child to do his/her best, by how well you have instilled an enjoyment of learning, and by setting realistic goals and celebrating achievements and successes. With each success, children gain confidence in themselves and in their abilities that will spill over into other areas of their lives.
Some helpful websites for parents from Forbes/Business Digest:
- Kidshealth.org - a huge collection of age-appropriate articles by pediatricians
- Familyfun.com - a web version of the Disney magazine brimming with crafts, recipes and activities
- ACDE.org - (American Council for Drug Education) - an informative, no nonsense primer about drugs; gives tips on how to discuss drugs with your kids
- About.com/parenting - plenty of links, chats, news and features on a wide scope of parenting topics.
- Familyeducation.com - bring together families, educators and schools
- Screenit.com - this mom and pop team screens films in astounding detail
Skills For Helping Students Stay Organized
Here's a few tips to help you or your student get organized and stay organized; organization is a key to success!
- Backpack cleaned out every day.
- Place in kitchen--basket, folder, file on wall--for parent(s) to see papers, sign papers, return papers, leave messages for teacher, etc.
- Have a place that is reserved at a certain time of the day for the student to study. Preferably a desk in his/her room. If a kitchen table have paper, pencils, erasers, dictionary etc, available nearby so the student will not "roam" looking for these items. Have them in one drawer or in a basket that can be put on the table for the student.
- If your student has trouble concentrating, make sure all distractions are turned off--tv, radio, computer games. Some students need a little noise in the background to concentrate. Observe your student's ability to keep to the task under different conditions and make his/her study area conducive to those conditions.
- Have one day a week when their study area must be cleaned up and put in order. The easy way to bring order to a messy area is organizing by "subject". School supplies in one drawer. Pending assignments, like book reports or term papers, in another drawer. Be consistent. Keep related items together. Go through piles of paper to weed out old out-dated items.
- Have a bulletin board in your students' room so important items can be seen and not lost.
- Have a large squared calendar easily accessible to your student to write when reports are due.
- Keep their room clean and attractive so they will want to be there to study.
- Block out time to talk to your student every day about the progress being made on assignments. Have a time you talk about problems with school or friends so they know you care about all areas of their lives. Problems with friends can affect their school work.
- Let them pick what is for dinner one night a week, within your budget. They only get this privilege if their room is clean before the meal is eaten.
Gift Suggestions For Seniors
Have a senior family member, neighbor, or friend? Looking for a nice way to thank, award, or bless them? Check out these gift suggestions for seniors. These will ease their days, add excitement to their lives, or make them feel special and appreciated.
- Gift certificates for their favorite grocery store, deli, or pharmacy.
- An assortment of greeting cards for birthdays and anniversaries, as well as get-well and sympathy cards.
- Gift certificates for haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets, videos and department stores.
- Prepaid long distance phone cards.
- Bus passes or coupons for senior transportation or taxis.
- Postcards or lined stationery and envelopes with a generous supply of stamps.
- A "paid in advance" certificate for lawn mowings or snow removal by a neighborhood youngster.
- A "certificate" for a service you can perform that is difficult for them-a thorough house cleaning, a month's laundry, a handyman visit for home safety inspection and minor repairs.
- An offer to rewrite their address book in larger, more legible print, or better yet, to put it on Rolodex cards so updating is almost effortless and much neater.
- A month of Sunday drives to church, or to the country, the museum or the park.
- A subscription to their favorite magazine or the daily newspaper.
- A basket of goodies assembled especially for them-cans of
ham, tuna, chicken, hearty soups, chili and stew, instant
coffee and tea bags, crackers, instant soup mixes. - A selection of their treasured, tattered photos retouched
and placed into a new album, with captions. - Large print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries,
etc., marked and personalized with family photos - Payment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly
to the utility-then let the recipients know they have "extra"
money to spend as they wish. - A cordless phone or answering machine or service
- Membership in a gym
- Anything they won't have to dust!
